Belonging Beyond the First Day

That feeling at the start of the school year is always special, isn’t it? The welcome back smiles, the greetings at the door, the effort to make sure children know we’re glad they’re here. There’s a buzz of togetherness, and it feels good.

But here’s the question I keep coming back to: how do we hold onto that sense of belonging throughout the year?

In my work, I often see children who’ve been out of their classrooms for quite a while. Maybe they’ve had a desk in the corridor, maybe they’ve spent time in other spaces. What strikes me time and again is how much it matters to them that their place in the classroom is still there, kept safe, not taken over, not piled up with books and papers, not quietly removed.

It might not sound like much, but it really means something. Because there will be that day when they feel ready to walk back in. And when they see their desk waiting for them, clear, available, theirs, it creates an instant sense of safety. They don’t have to scan the room, wondering where they’ll sit, or if they even still belong. That simple act of keeping their spot can make all the difference.

Keeping the warmth going

We’re all really good at creating that warm “welcome back” feeling in September. But the challenge is carrying that same energy forward. Belonging isn’t a one-off event, it’s something we build, bit by bit, in the everyday.

That might look like:

• Greeting children warmly every day, not just on the first day.

• Allowing their needs to be met without fuss (yes, even the basics like going to the toilet when they need to, more on that in a future post).

• Noticing the effort behind the work, not just the output. Especially for our neurodivergent children, who might be working ten times as hard as their peers to produce just a fraction.

• Valuing them for who they are, not just what they do.

For many of the children we support, especially those with SEMH needs, the unspoken fear is: Am I too much? Do I fit in here? Every small gesture that shows them they’re seen and safe chips away at that fear.

Practical ways to nurture belonging

Here are some strategies that can help build a stronger sense of safety and belonging, especially for children struggling with EBSA, anxiety, or depression:

• Keep spaces ready: Whether it’s a desk, a peg, or a place on the carpet, make sure children know they still have a spot waiting for them.

• Plan gentle transitions: Offer phased returns for children with EBSA or anxiety, allowing them to start with shorter periods, trusted adults, or smaller groups before rejoining the whole class.

• Create safe spaces: Have a quiet corner, a trusted adult, or a designated space where children can regulate before returning to learning.

• Use co-regulation: Sit alongside them, breathe with them, and model calm. A dysregulated child cannot regulate alone, but they can borrow our calm until they find their own.

• Offer choice where possible: Giving children some control, even in small ways, reduces anxiety and builds confidence.

• Name and validate feelings: Simple acknowledgements like “I can see that this feels hard for you” can reduce shame and help children feel understood.

• Celebrate effort over outcome: For a child struggling with depression or anxiety, showing up at all may already be a huge achievement. Let’s make sure they know that matters.

Staff belonging matters too

A friend of mine who also works in this field recently highlighted something that stuck with me: the sense of belonging staff feel in their setting directly impacts how children feel about their belonging. And it’s so true.

When staff feel connected, supported, and part of a team that has each other’s backs, that security filters down to the children. They don’t need it explained, they can feel it in the atmosphere.

A reflection for the year ahead

So as we settle further into this school year, here are some reflections to sit with:

• How do we create safety for the children in front of us?

• How do we support children with EBSA (emotionally based school avoidance), anxiety, depression, and other barriers that make it so hard to walk through the door?

• How do we make sure our neurodivergent children and those with SEMH needs feel like they truly belong?

• How do we, as staff, stay connected to each other so children pick up on that sense of security?

• And maybe most importantly: what are we already doing well that we can build on with intention?

Because I honestly believe most of us are doing more than we think. Sometimes it’s about bringing awareness to the small, everyday things, like keeping a desk clear, that send the message: you matter, you’re welcome, you belong.