(Re-)Learning to Speak 'Child'

I just had a thought. Have you ever noticed that children's language is built entirely around play and connection? It’s their native tongue. Yet, as adults, many of us have forgotten how to speak it. Somewhere along the way, we’ve let our playfulness slip away and replaced it with rigidity. Instead of giggles and games, our vocabularies become filled with: “I have to do that…” or “I need to get this done…” and “There’s no time for…” (you get the gist!).

And here’s the thing – kids don’t want to hear that. Actually, they can’t understand it. Not because they’re ignoring us, but because they don’t speak 'adult'. It’s as though we’re speaking an entirely different language. And how do most of us react when don't understand? We talk LOUDER. Maybe if I say it more forcefully, they’ll get it, right?

Wrong. Because volume was never the issue. The gap isn’t in how loudly we talk, it’s in what we’re saying and how we’re saying it.

Kids don’t understand schedules, "must-dos," and endless lists of obligations. They don’t care about your bullet journal or time-blocking. What kids understand – deeply and completely – is connection, presence, and play. They’re fluent in it. They live it.

If we want to truly communicate with our children, we have to stop doubling down on a language they’re not wired to understand and instead learn their language. We need to shift from barking orders or explaining our frustrations in grown-up speak, to meeting them where they are: in their world of play and endless giggles, of life lived moment to moment.

Think about it. We’d never go up to someone who speaks a completely different language than us and just say the same thing, but louder, expecting magic to happen. It’s absurd! Yet we often fall into that exact trap with children. It’s not their job to decode us. It’s our job to learn how to speak ‘child.’

And here’s the good news: We’ve all spoken ‘child’ before. It was our first language too. The playfulness, the connection, the endless giggles – it’s all still in us. We don’t need to completely relearn it; we just need to remember. And with a little practice, it’ll feel like we never forgot it at all.

So how do you do it? Well, unfortunately, there isn’t a Duolingo course for learning child’s language (yet!). But you can start by doing something radical: set aside the to-do lists, get down to their level (literally and figuratively), and play. Laugh. Be silly. Stop thinking of connection as one more “should” and allow it to unfold naturally in their world. Their language doesn’t need rigid structure – it needs openness and curiosity.

And if you’re still not sure where to begin, come find me. I’ll teach you a few phrases, starting with the universal words for connection: a wide smile, a playful laugh, and being truly present in the moment. That’s where it all starts.

Let’s relearn the art of speaking 'child' – not just for them, but for ourselves too. Feel how joyful it can be.