When Compassion is Scary

I've been pondering the complex nature of compassion, particularly how it can be a daunting concept for children unaccustomed to its presence. In the early stages of life, children tend to accept their reality without question. They may be confused or curious, but they lack the cognitive tools to articulate their thoughts and feelings. As they progress into the developmental stage of power and identity, they begin to explore their place in the world and their relationships with others. This stage is marked by a growing awareness of different dynamics and perspectives.

In my work with children, I've encountered situations where compassion was notably absent from their home environments. One particular child, filled with pride, shared a piece of artwork they had created during our session. Unfortunately, they later revealed that their mother had thrown away the artwork, as it's not being used. My compassionate response triggered a protective reaction from the child, who quickly retracted their initial statement. This incident highlights the complex interplay between a child's developing identity and their exposure to different realities.

As children navigate this stage of development, they are confronted with a myriad of identities and approaches to life. They begin to realise that their own experiences and beliefs are not the only valid ones. This newfound awareness can be both exciting and unsettling. When we express compassion for their experiences, even those that may seem insignificant to us, we challenge their established worldview. This can lead to feelings of fear and uncertainty, as they grapple with the possibility that their reality may not be as absolute as they once believed.

It's important to remember that compassion, while a powerful force for good, can also be a source of discomfort. As we strive to support children's emotional and social development, we must be mindful of the potential impact of our actions. By creating a safe and nurturing environment, we can help children to embrace compassion and to develop the empathy and understanding that will serve them well throughout their lives.

Need more support?

If you've exhausted all available strategies to offer compassion to a child in your care, consider a free 15-minute consultation to discuss potential solutions. Additionally, explore my workshops and keynotes on topics such as "Rupture and Repair: The Art of Making Amends," "Seeing Through the Trauma Lens," and "When Development Gets Interrupted."