When our Young People are Stuck in 'Fight'

Supporting Our Youth Through a Trauma-Informed Lens

Recently, I had a conversation with a passionate youth worker who is in the process of setting up a youth centre. We found common ground in our shared mission: to create spaces where young people feel safe, accepted, and like they truly belong. But as with any space that welcomes youth, she’s encountered a challenge: a group of young people who are coming in and expressing themselves through fighting.

She asked me, as someone who often works with children and young people stuck in survival states, what I would do in such a situation. Her question stayed with me because it speaks to a deeper issue that many of us working in this field see all too often: the number of young people who are stuck in survival mode. What was once a necessary mechanism to protect themselves in difficult circumstances has now become maladaptive, leaving them trapped in a cycle that no longer serves them.

When we approach such situations, it can be helpful to recognise that we, as adults, have the privilege of distance. We can observe these situations for what they are without having our nervous systems triggered into a sympathetic state—the same state these young people are often living in. It’s from this perspective that I shared my suggestion: let them fight—but in a way that is structured, guided, and transformative.

I proposed bringing in a professional fighter, like a martial arts master or a boxer—someone who understands the art of fighting, who can remain calm and in control even in the face of aggression. Such a professional can do more than simply teach fighting skills. They can model respect, boundaries, and self-discipline, offering a way for these young people to channel their survival energy while learning about inner worth and control.

This suggestion wasn’t immediately embraced. The youth worker worried that it might condone fighting or reinforce unhealthy behaviours. But through a trauma-informed lens, this approach makes sense to me. Trauma is stored in the body, not just the mind. For young people stuck in their fight response, reasoning (based in the pre-frontal cortex which is offline in the survival state) or even expressive activities like dance may not reach the core of what they’re experiencing. They need to complete the survival processes their nervous systems are holding onto. Fighting—in a safe, controlled, and respectful environment—can be one way to facilitate that release.

At Jaskulla Mentoring, we often work with children who are trapped in their fight state, and I’ve seen first-hand how transformative it can be to engage them in slow-motion fighting or playful power and control dynamics. These activities allow the body to move through and complete the trapped movements, often in ways that words simply cannot achieve. By working with the body, we help young people feel safe within themselves again. This safety is the foundation for trust, growth, and change.

Of course, every young person is different, and every situation requires its own tailored approach. I wasn’t there with the youth worker to meet the group she’s working with, but I do know this: when we meet young people where they are and honour what their nervous systems are telling us, we can help them find new pathways out of survival and into a place where they feel safe and whole.

This is where I’d love to hear from others in the field. How do you navigate working with young people in their fight state? Have you seen creative or unconventional approaches that worked? Let’s keep the conversation going—because every young person deserves a chance to heal and thrive.