Swearing: More Than Just "Bad Language"
- Lisa Jaskulla
- Oct 13, 2024
- 3 min read
In my work with children, I encounter swearing on a daily basis. These aren’t just casual, throwaway expletives—they’re words loaded with emotion, frustration, and a desperate need for protection. In fact, some of the most creative, passionate swearing comes from children who are in a constant state of distress.
But here's the thing: in my line of work, swearing doesn’t bother me. It rolls off me like water off a duck’s back because, after years of working with children in crisis, I’ve come to realise that swearing isn’t just a “bad habit.” It’s much deeper than that.
Swearing as Armour 🛡️
When a child swears, they’re putting on armour. Swear words become their shield—their way of showing how fiercely they’re protecting themselves. It’s a message, but not the one most people hear on the surface.
Underneath the rough language is often a silent plea:
"I need space."
"I’m overwhelmed."
"I don’t trust you yet."
They may not have the words to articulate these feelings, so swearing becomes the language they use to keep adults at arm’s length.
Seeing Past the Words 👀
It’s easy to take swearing at face value and respond with frustration, correction, or even punishment. But in my work with children who live in a state of constant emotional or behavioural distress, I’ve learned that there’s always something underneath. The swearing isn’t the problem—it’s the symptom.
When a child throws out a string of swear words, I don’t hear just the words themselves. I hear their underlying emotions:
Fear of being let down by yet another adult.
Anger at a world that doesn’t feel safe.
Frustration at not having the tools to express what’s really going on.
So, what do we do in these moments? We don’t shut down or walk away. We stay. We show that we’re here to help, even when their words are tough to hear. We demonstrate, again and again, that we’re not going to abandon them just because their “protectors” are at full volume.
How to Respond to Swearing in Children
This brings me to the real heart of the matter: when we encounter swearing in children, how can we respond in a way that doesn’t escalate the situation or break down trust?
If you're a parent, carer, or professional working with children, you've probably faced this question many times. That’s why I’m hosting a FREE webinar next Tuesday, 15th October at 4pm, where I’ll dive deep into the topic of "Swearing in the Context of Child Development." 🧠💬
In the webinar, I’ll be exploring:
Why children swear and what it tells us about their development.
How to respond in a way that supports their emotional needs.
Practical strategies to handle swearing without losing your cool or damaging your relationship with the child.
Three Key Strategies You’ll Learn
The “Pause and Pivot” Technique – How to take a breath and respond calmly when that first “bad word” slips out, turning it into a teachable moment instead of a battle.
Swearing vs. Expressing – Helping children develop a broader emotional vocabulary, so they don’t need to rely on swearing to communicate their feelings.
Setting Boundaries – How to set age-appropriate guidelines around language in a way that fosters respect without shaming or overreacting.
Why This Matters
Swearing, as much as it may shock or frustrate us, can be a window into a child’s internal world. Learning how to decode the emotional messages behind these words gives us an incredible opportunity to support children through difficult moments, rather than just focusing on the behaviour itself.
And if you’re worried about missing the live session, don’t fret—you’ll have 72-hour access to the recording, so you can catch up at a time that works for you. 🎥
Have Questions?
If you’ve ever faced a situation where a child’s language left you wondering, “What on earth do I do next?”—this webinar is for you. And if you have specific questions or scenarios you’d like me to cover, feel free to send them to me by Sunday at 4pm. I’ll make sure to include them in the discussion. 📨
Ready to Join?
To reserve your spot, [click here to register] and secure your place. Together, we’ll unpack the true meaning behind swearing and how to turn these tough moments into opportunities for growth and connection.
Swearing may be jarring, but it’s also an invitation to look deeper, to understand what a child can’t yet express in words. When we meet them with empathy and patience, we give them the tools they need to trust us, and eventually, to put down their armour.
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